I told myself I would be logged off of all technologies while Luke is home, but it just so happens that he is a morning person and I am a night person. And so he is sleeping and here I am typing....
Luke got home earlier than expected on Sunday, January 18. It was a wonderful big surprise. However, I did put off everything I had to do until that day. I figured I had Sunday, since he said he probably wouldn't be home until Mon-Wed. So it was a mad dash cleaning house and grocery shopping and plucking eyebrows, getting ready for his arrival. I picked him up from the airport around 1:25. I had been so rushed that I thought I'd be late. But as usual, God swooped in with his perfect timing. I was half walking half running through the baggage claim area when I saw him coming in with the crowd from the terminal. It was so wonderful to see him again, standing there right in front of me, talking in person instead of on a telephone. During our chat on the ride home we both agreed that it felt like we'd never parted. It always feels like that when we reunite - like we never left one another. That's a good feeling to have.
Luke proposed that we go out to dinner that night for steaks. I was very happy to hear this, as I wasn't much in the mood for cooking. He told me to go get ready and so I did for a good 25 minutes, making myself as beautiful as I could. Then he fell asleep. He was totally out. I should have seen this coming since he traveled across four countries and who knows how many time zones over the past forty hours. He grumbled that he better just rest on his first night home - going out to eat was not a good idea. But we were both hungry and I had to do something. I fought the part of me that wanted to argue with him. I sighed, looking down at my dolled-up self. It was okay. I would make him the best home-cooked meal ever and it would be great. So I went to the kitchen and made us steaks, potatoes, corn, bread and salad served with an excellent expensive wine we'd been saving for a special occasion. Luke finally got up, walked into the kitchen, hugged me and said he was sorry. And wouldn't you know it, that dinner was better than anything that could have happened in a crowded restaurant. We were together in our home, eating a home-cooked meal and we talked for what seemed like hours. I had the candles burning and the slow jazz playing in the background. It was romantic and perfect. I was glad the selfish part of me had subsided, bit her tongue, and did what was right.
Jake dog was elated to see Luke, as was expected. His little butt wiggling frantically side to side as that tail whipped back and forth - it was too cute. I had left all of the Christmas decorations up for Luke, since he missed his Minnesota Christmas. His stocking was stuffed with goodies. He got to see the improvements that had been made in the laundry room and the garage since he left, and he approved. :)
The first few days were calm and peaceful. Everything just seems right and balanced when he is home. Even Jake dog is calmer when Luke is here - and that says a lot. However, Luke did mention a few times that this homecoming was not like the others. He was not quite as excited as he'd been other times - there wasn't such a "high." And he felt as if God had something special for him during this leave. He felt that God was going to teach him something and he was patiently waiting to see what that was. Then the third day arrived. Luke and I knew that his Grandpa had not been feeling well and that his doctors were running lots of test to determine what the problem was. On Tuesday night Luke's mom called a family conference. So there we sat in her living room - me, Luke, Luke's two younger brothers, and his brother's girlfriend. We all knew it was bad before she said anything at all. She went on to describe in detail and in sequential order, the events in Gramps' life over the past few months. One thing led to another, and on Tuesday they received concrete answers. Luke's Gramps has stage 4 aggressive cancer in his brain, spine, shoulder, and liver. As of today he has been in the hospital for 8 days. He has been dealing with a lot of pain and they are doing radiation treatments (and will possibly move onto chemotherapy) for pain control. With these treatments he has a 50/50 chance of living one year. This was all a shock, a huge blow to all of us. We had seen him (well, everyone except Luke) just three weeks prior and though he was not feeling well, who would have guessed that one? How could this not have been caught sooner? And the most pressing question of all: Will he still be alive when Luke returns from the deployment?
And so Luke and I packed up our bags that very night and left early the next morning to head up north. Gramps was in St. Luke's hospital in Duluth. We planned on staying two nights at a hotel, giving Luke nearly 3 days to spend some time with his Gramps. We also helped his Granny with some chores. They live on a lake house in Carlton, MN which is about 30 minutes south of Duluth. Lake houses are a ton of work, especially for older folks. Granny was glad to have us there, doing some of the things that she could not. She had been (and still is) traveling back and forth between Carlton and Duluth every morning and evening. She's also been trying to take care of all the legal business. On top of that, Luke's gramps owns his own company in Duluth: Northshore Manufacturing. He built that company from the ground up. And although he does have a trusted business partner, this new change in his health brings about alot of new business to take care of.
The trip was difficult for Luke. But he did take comfort in knowing that God was in control. How perfect was it that this news came during the two weeks Luke was home? And how much more difficult would it have been if he received the news in Iraq, far from his family? God definitely prepared Luke for this one. As I said earlier Luke knew something was coming, and when it did he had more peace about the situation than he would have if he had not listened to God as he was preparing him. He said he now knew that his homecoming did not come with such a high, so that when the news of his Gramps came he did not crash to a deep low. God prepared him well. Peace is the ultimate gift that God can offer us while we are on this earth.
Luke admires his Gramps and the legacy he has left. He has set an excellent example for his family and for Luke. I know that Luke appreciates him and has learned a lot from him. I'm glad that we were able to go up north as we did. While we were up there, there was this silly moment where Granny could not work her Satellite TV remote and blamed us because we had tried to turn on the TV while doing chores at their house. This was a HUGE deal for them. So much so that when we went to visit Gramps at the hospital on Thursday night we were not even in the room 2 minutes when he told us we'd better go fix it or Luke's ass was grass. It turned out that there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, but Luke was very hurt by his Gramps pushing us out the door over a TV, when he was lying there dying. The whole ride from the hospital to Chub Lake, I prayed for God to either give me the words to comfort Luke or to help Luke let go, have peace, and make the most out of his time here. Well God did not give me the words. Against my own will, I said nothing. It was VERY hard for me not to say anything. But I knew that Luke was angry, hurt and sensitive. I knew that almost anything I could say would hurt him more, rather than help him move on. And most importantly, I knew that I needed to give it to God at that point and LISTEN to what God had to say about it. And after all was said and done the night ended nicely with humorous small talk between us and Granny, a TV that really did work, quiet us time at the hotel, and a happy and content Luke. I told Luke about my prayers. I told him that through my relationship with Jesus, I'm finding it easier and easier to go against my nature. That was proven in this situation and in the situation with dinner on Luke's first night home. We all know that human beings are born sinners, but I'm finding it to be true that through trust in God and efforts given to really listen to him, one can honestly become a better form of one's self.
I'm also astounded at how I'm finding Romans 5:2-5 to be so true. This scripture says that "But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." In my talks with Luke regarding my faith over the last few days, he has told me that I am now living proof of this. At first I sort of laughed at this, thinking that may be true but I'm definitely not quite an example as others are. For instance, I am reading
Crystal Woodman Miller's book "Marked for Life" which describes her triumph over the Columbine tragedy (she was a student in the library at the time of the shootings). She talks about that very scripture and how it applies to her life. And so I laugh at Luke's comment that I am living proof of that. He asked me what my suffering was. I pondered for a moment and then answered, "This military life." Although it is suffering to a much lesser degree than Crystal's, at times it is suffering none the less. There are literally years of separation from your spouse, almost constant worrying about them while they are at war.... Yes, I believe my perseverance, character and hope are coming from this military life. And besides, it does not matter how it comes so long as it comes. Praise the Lord for that.
While at the hotel in Duluth, Luke got an awesome idea to create a wine IV for Gramps. Luke's family has always been full of jokesters, Gramps included. We had brought a bottle of wine to share at the hotel and after we finished it off Luke attached a wire hanger to it so that it hung upside down, and put a clear tube in the cork. It looked just like all the other IVs Gramps had, but this one administered wine instead of medicine. So when we went to visit him on Friday before coming back to the cities, Luke hung it up on his IV stand. Everyone got a kick out of it, especially the nurses. We said our goodbyes, but told them of our plan to come back for a day trip before Luke returns to Iraq.
My own Grandpa (whom I also called Gramps) died 2.5 years ago from cancer. It was a similar situation, and it was the most difficult experience I've been through thus far. I had never seen anyone so sick in my life. I saw death in my Gramps. It was awful to watch him go through that and wither away. And so this situation with Luke's Grandpa reminded me of that. Although Luke's Grandpa is only at the beginning and not visibly that bad yet, it did bring back all those memories for me. I do hope that Luke does not have to see all of that. It might be better if he doesn't.
We've had to re-arrange a few plans for this leave. We had planned on splurging on a river-front jacuzzi suite in downtown St. Paul for our 9-year dating anniversary on the 28th. Since we had to spend our money on the Duluth hotel, we can no longer do that. Instead, we are going to Forepaugh's for a nice dinner that evening. We had planned on going to Forepaugh's in addition to the fancy hotel, but Forepaugh's will do just fine given the circumstances. Honestly, I do not mind what we do on this leave. I'm finally starting to let go of my selfish tendencies and realize what's really important in this life. If the entire leave consisted of being with Luke at our home and spending time with his Gramps in Duluth, I would be happy. And so would Luke. God makes you see what really matters - if you are listening, that is. :)
Talks of a baby are still going strong. Both of us had the thought to get pregnant while he is home right now, and not wait until June. Luke really wants Gramps to see his grandchild. Unfortunately, though, I would have had to go off birth control at least a few weeks before Luke came home. And even then there would have been a slim chance. So we are sticking to our original plan of me going off BC right when Luke goes back to Iraq and to try for a baby in June. However, God is bigger than everything, including birth control and "our plan," so who knows what will really happen. The only thing I know (and need to know) is that Luke and I are at peace with whatever shall be.
Luke's Leave part 2 coming soon.....
