8 months ago I gave birth to my first baby, Noah James Stombaugh. He was born on Friday, March 5, 2010 at 12:30 in the afternoon. He weighed a whopping 9 pounds, 2 ounces and was 21 inches long. Giving birth was not what I expected, but at the same time was the most exhilarating, empowering and beautiful thing I had ever experienced. Here is Noah's story, better late than never...
God was telling me that I needed to trust him more, because what perfect timing Noah's birth was! My last day of work was Wednesday, March 3 and that was also Luke's last day of school before his 10-day spring break from college. I went into early labor Thursday morning at 4:45 AM. The first contraction woke me up and I stayed awake from that moment on. I just laid there in bed for a few more hours, feeling the contractions come and go. I didn't wake Luke because I knew this was probably the beginning of what was going to be a long haul. Little did I know then that it was a very long haul. Luke awoke around 7 or 8 and I told him that he probably wasn't going to be following through with his plans for the day. I told him I was having contractions. Despite several days of false labor in the weeks prior, we knew it had to be the real thing this time because I was 4 days overdue (the due date was February 28).
The contractions were irregular and inconsistent all day Thursday. We went about our normal business and stayed busy, which we later discovered was a big mistake. We didn't realize just how long my labor would be. I should have been resting and sleeping between contractions that day. You live and learn - now I know for the next baby, if resting is even possible with a second child. I went to breakfast with my friend Becca and Luke went to breakfast with some of his friends. Then my friend Rachel stopped by to visit and see the nursery, while Luke cleaned his guns at the kitchen table (he is big into guns!). When Rachel left Luke and I decided to go to Target. By the time we got home it was late afternoon and I was feeling tired. I decided to rest on the couch while Luke finished installing the baby gate and worked on Noah's nursery. At the time I just couldn't figure out why Luke insisted on finishing that baby gate (which he had to drill into the wall) while I was in labor. I told him we wouldn't be needing it for at least 6 months. Now I look back and think that maybe that was the one thing he could control in the situation. I can't honestly imagine how it would feel to be a husband watching your wife go through labor, with no way of making it stop or go faster. So there I was on the couch having contractions and watching him do this. Our favorite show, The Office, was on TV that night. The episode, ironically, was called "The Delivery" in which one of the characters (Pam) was having a baby. I was having contractions right along with her. Luke and I thought that was pretty humorous.
We were told that we could only go to the hospital if one of two things happened: If my water broke or if my contractions were 5 minutes apart for one full hour. Since labor started at 4:45 AM and it was then about 9:00 PM, I was eagerly awaiting for one of these things to happen. After watching The Office we decided to lie in bed and watch movies in hopes of distracting me from the painful contractions that didn't seem to be as consistent as I hoped. Luke had been keeping a contraction log since early afternoon, timing and documenting each one. I was getting very frustrated by 11:00 PM and started to cry. I just wanted to go to the hospital. I just wanted things to go faster. The contractions were starting to hurt more and I felt trapped without a hope for things to move forward. The contractions didn't reach 5 minutes apart for an hour until about 1:30 AM. We finally left the house. Thankfully, given the time, we did not have to fight traffic. I was also thankful that the weather was calm and perfect - no blizzard to brave. When we turned onto Smith Avenue, which was the street that led to the hospital, the ride got a little bumpy. It was pothole city! A bumpy ride makes painful contractions even worse, so I demanded that Luke stop in the middle of the road until they passed. He was able to do it since there were no other vehicles in sight. Looking back, that whole scene must have been pretty funny - like something you would see in a movie.
We got to the hospital at about 2:00 AM on Friday, March 5. We had called my parents after leaving the house to let them know we were on our way to the hospital. My Mom made me promise to call her when we left for the hospital, no matter what time it was. During our brief conversation I told her we would call them again later to let them know when things had progressed so that they could drive to the hospital, but to our surprise they were there by 3:00 AM! I guess they were so excited that they just couldn't wait, despite my telling Mom that it wouldn't make sense to come until later because they would probably be waiting for hours. When we arrived Luke wheeled me into our labor room in a wheel chair (walking was pretty difficult at that point). I changed into the dreaded hospital gown and gave the nurse my birth plan. Although it contained details on the type of music I wanted to play during labor (we created a mix and brought it along), the movies I wanted to watch, baths I wanted to take, and aromatherapy I wanted to use... we didn't do any of that. Like I said, labor was not what I expected and the only thing I could do was focus on getting through those contractions.
My first labor nurse, Kelly, checked me soon after we arrived and said that I was 5 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced. She said that was wonderful progress and it was good that I stayed home as long as I did. I requested to change into my own clothes right after being checked. The nurse approved the wearing of my own stretchy maternity tank top, but said that I probably wouldn't be able to wear any bottoms with all the "checking" that was to come. Little did I know at the time, I could refuse vaginal checks and I should have… Anyways, being pants-less was just fine by me so long as I didn't have to wear the awful hospital gown! You know I always thought that I would be embarrassed during birth, my privates hanging out there for all to see. But honestly, when you're in that much pain it doesn't matter. You really don't care. Anyway, at this point the pain was definitely bearable. I was sitting in bed, with warm blankets pulled up to my chin. I was even comfortable having my parents in the labor room with us at that point (although that only lasted about 45 minutes) and we were all chatting. I had brought some movies and we had My Big Fat Greek Wedding playing on the TV, although I came to realize that during the second half of labor it is pretty hard to focus on a movie. My parents brought donuts, and I was grateful to still be able to eat at that moment!
Then the nurse proceeded to tell me that it usually takes first time mothers 1-2 hours per centimeter. Now I know there's really no "normal" to birth and no way a nurse or doctor can know how long it will take, and nor should they. But at the time I thought that meant another 5-10 hours before I would reach 10 and get to push! That was a little discouraging since the labor had lasted so long already. But then two hours later I was already an 8. The nurse was surprised and said that I was going to have an early morning baby! I was excited at the thought. Things were pretty manageable up until that point. My goal was to have a natural birth and I didn't want any pain medications - no epidurals or Nubain. I had done a lot of research during my pregnancy and decided that I wanted to experience it all, with no hinderance from drugs.
Once I got to 8 cm and entered the transition stage of labor things became much more difficult. The transition period is supposed to be the shortest but hardest part of labor when you go from 8 to 10 centimeters. Unfortunately transition lasted 4 hours for me. I was in that stage from about 4:15 to 8:15 AM. They offered to break my water at about 4:30 AM and I let them do it. I shouldn't have. Now I know that it is actually good for the water bag to stay in tact because that allows for the baby to maneuver into the optimal position for birth. Having my water broken is what contributed to Noah being born posterior (sunny side up) and vacuumed. When the water is broken, the baby falls into the pelvis and after that, changing position is quite difficult and sometimes impossible. I finally reached 10 cm at 8:15 and they said I could start to push if I felt the urge to do so. Although I had reached 10 cm they discovered that the last part of my cervix remained, so my doctor (Dr. Mary Cady) had to go in with her hands during the contractions to rid the remainder of the cervix. This is another thing I would have refused. There is really no need to do this. Unfortunately, she also used a similar technique to show me how to push. Yes, apparently there is a certain way to push and I wasn't doing it right at first. Little did I know I actually never felt the true urge to push. When your body is ready to push it literally just does it and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Of course, you should push along with that to help. I never realized I never felt this urge until 19 months later when I had my daughter. The pushing stage is only supposed to last up to two hours, usually on the longer side for first time mothers. Just like the transition period, the pushing stage also lasted much longer for me with Noah. I pushed for over 4 hours. During that time my labor nurse, Liz, and Dr. Cady had me try different labor positions to get Noah to move down. I tried the squat, birthing bar, stirrups, side laboring - pretty much everything that you could think of. Liz was hardcore, blunt and to the point, fairly opposite our first labor nurse who was a bit more nurturing. Luke later told me that he did not like Liz. In any other circumstances I probably wouldn't have either, but at the time I thought she was exactly what I needed at that stage of my labor. I thought I needed someone to just tell me what to do - tell me how to get through this pain. I wasn't too fond of sensitivity and people touching me at that point, so I thought Liz was perfect. Now, knowing all that I do about natural birth and respected labor, I didn't need anyone telling me what to do or intervening. The woman's body knows what to do on its own. The problems arose because I was not eating & drinking (nourishing my hard working uterus), peeing, or focusing on baby's position and how to change it naturally. I also allowed too many interventions to happen that likely made the whole experience harder and longer than it would have been had I just been left alone and treated right, like having my water broken.
A little bit about my mood while in labor... In our birthing classes they said to think about how you deal with pain now (before the birth) and that is probably how you would deal with pain during labor. When I thought about myself I realized that I can't stand noise when I'm in pain. Even when I brush the tangles out of my hair when I get out of the shower I tell Luke to "shush" until I'm done. Well, the same was true in labor. Although some things were fuzzy given my sleep deprivation and exhaustion and I do not remember this detail, Luke said I actually yelled at the nurses to "Shut up!" at one point because they were talking too loudly while I was going through a contraction. Looking back, this is another reason that United was not the optimal place to be if you wanted a peaceful natural birth. There were nurses actually having a fairly loud "private" conversation just feet from the bed where I was laboring. There was no respect or reverence shown for me or what was happening. Looking back and knowing now what I didn't then, this angers me. I also disliked bright lights, so the room was very dimly lit for most of my labor (as dimly lit as it could be at United). I am usually very particular when it comes to lighting, in pain or not.
After 27 hours of labor I still didn't have any pain medications because I was determined to have a natural birth. I am very grateful that I wrote a birth plan and gave it to the nurse upon arrival at the hospital. I stated in the plan that I did not want drugs and that I did not even want to be offered drugs. I think this is key for mothers seeking a natural birth. Despite the numerous staff changes, nobody ever asked me. I honestly don't know if I would have given into the temptation if they did - in the midst of pain it would have been entirely possible. However, I now know that I should have included many more details in my birth plan to have had a better birth. Hindsight is 20/20...
I remember being able to try the different labor positions for the first few hours of the pushing stage. But after awhile I literally felt immobile. I was nearing 30 hours of labor at that point. I felt more sleep deprived and exhausted than I ever did in my entire life and I just couldn't move. Period. I couldn't even make it to the bathroom which was 5 feet away. I said I'd rather pee in the bed. Now that's exhaustion. My doctor said not only was I feeling exhausted but I was also experiencing uterine exhaustion. The labor was lasting so long that my uterus was not producing effective contractions anymore. Well…. that was true BUT it could have been avoided with encouragement to sleep, eat, pee, drink, and move into positions that will help the baby into optimal birthing position. Again, I know much more now than I did then. So my doctor decided to give me pitocin in hopes of speeding things along. The pitocin was only effective for about 45 minutes and then I had the weaker contractions again with occasional strong ones (something I would never allow now). It was very frustrating. Dr. Cady let me rest through some of the contractions because I begged and pleaded, but she made me push for most of the "good ones" because they were few and far between. Looking back, this was absurd because you simply cannot "coach" someone through pushing. As I said earlier, when you have a true and honest urge to push your body just does it. By itself. If you aren't sure if you're feeling the urge to push, then you're not! I wish I had known that then.
Although I did not tell anyone this for a long time (in fact, I just told Luke a few weeks ago), I was so exhausted and convinced that my body could not push anymore that I actually "faked" through some contractions. Yes, I was somehow able to pretend that I was not experiencing a contraction even if it was a big one. Although my doctor was at the foot of the bed staring at me, I stayed calm with steady breath and a poker-face just so I could avoid pushing. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea, because they had me hooked up to machines that showed exactly when contractions were happening as well as their strength. I was so convincing though. I wonder now if maybe they thought the machines were broken. I just gave into what my body was telling me, and in those particular moments it was saying it could no longer go on. When I did finally tell Luke about my little secret he said that I was so "badass." At the time I didn't quite know how I was able to do this - I thought I must be tough. But now I know that I never reached the true stage of transition and pushing - never reached that level of intensity and pain. I only realized this when I had my daughter and the labor/birth went just as it should. Despite it all though, Luke has been in awe of my toughness ever since Noah's birth, and rightfully so.
At about 11:45 AM my doctor, who was an OB family practice doc, said that she was going to bring in an OB specialist to help her decide what the next steps should be. My labor was taking too long and Noah needed to come out soon. Of course it was, with coached pushing and no nourishment or rest… The OB specialist, Dr. Patricia Huberty, said that we had two options. They could either try an assisted birth with the vacuum suction or I would most likely end up with a C-section. I didn't go through over 30 hours of labor just to have surgery! That would have been quite awful, in my opinion. So we decided to try the vacuum. But remember that I still didn't have any pain medication at this point. I knew it was far past the point of using any of the "normal" drugs, and I didn't want them anyway, but thinking about a vacuum delivery without meds sounded terrible in that moment. I couldn't and absolutely didn't want to do it. I'd had enough. I just needed a little something to... well, give me the courage to endure the vacuum in my exhausted state. So I asked if there was anything they could give me before the vacuuming began. Dr. Huberty said that she could give me a cervical block. This was just a local anesthetic that was administered by needle directly to the cervix. It only numbed the vaginal area, but left feeling in the abdomen so that you could sense contractions and be able to push with them. I decided to take it, and there was no hesitation. Before they could begin the attempt at delivery, though, they had to empty my bladder. Somewhere along the way (I can't remember the time) they had given me fluids because I was dehydrated and they also thought this would help with my exhaustion. So there was no doubt that my bladder was full. However, I had absolutely no urge to pee. Apparently when the baby is moved that far down, it can stop all sensation to urinate. That's a strange little tidbit that I never learned about before the birth. So they had to put a catheter in me before they could begin. That was uncomfortable.
Then Dr. Huberty administered the cervical block. Immediately after that was finished (which didn't take long at all) the show was on! She told me that they were doing the vacuum with the next contraction and I would have to push harder than I ever have (great, after 32 hours of labor that's exactly what you want to hear). Things happened fast and it was a little frightening. I was definitely scared and nervous, knowing that this was our last chance to get him out before a C-section was to happen. Luke looked me in the eyes and pointed over to the baby cart - the one with the lights that they place the baby in after birth. He said, "That's where your baby is going to be" with a kind and gentle voice, encouraging me to look to the very near future and make it happen. The room flooded with people. I later learned that the neonatal team must be present during the use of a vacuum. They were a team of three. Then of course there was my doctor, Dr. Cady, and labor nurse Liz. Then there was Dr. Huberty, who was the one in charge and doing the delivery at this point, and the nurse assigned to assist with the vacuum. Including me and Luke that made for a very full labor room, and labor rooms are not spacious! After the people flooded in, all the bright lights went on. I can't remember what they looked like or exactly where they were coming from, but I do remember it becoming very bright.
And then the contraction came. Everyone in the room was yelling, possibly cheering (I can't quite remember which) for me to "PUSH!" Now, I felt this happen but didn't see it happen, so Luke had to fill me in later. There were three contractions with the vacuum in which it "popped off." You see, the vacuum is essentially just a suction cup that the doctor adheres to the baby's head. It literally sucks like a vacuum to pull the baby out. The force of the contraction, the mother's push and the suck of the vacuum work together at the same time to deliver the baby. Anyway, the vacuum popped off of Noah's head and out of my body during the first three contractions, at which point blood apparently splattered all over the people in the room and even the walls. It couldn't have been too much because I don't ever remember seeing it, even after the delivery. But boy am I glad I didn't see it during the delivery - that would have been traumatizing. Although unfortunately I wasn't spared another traumatic moment when I saw Dr. Cady lowering a very big surgical scissors between my legs after the first vacuum. The doctors realized they needed "more room" for Noah to come out and had to give me an episiotomy. I knew what was happening when I saw the scissors and it made me cringe inside, but thankfully I didn't feel any of it because of the cervical block. Sometime during all of this vacuuming one of the nurses put an oxygen mask on me too. Apparently I wasn't getting enough air and the machines showed that the baby was becoming stressed.
I discovered later that this usually breaches normal protocol (more on this later), but then Dr. Huberty tried the vacuum a fourth and final time. I pushed as hard as I possibly could, and out he came! Given the circumstances, I did not actually see him come out (which is disappointing looking back) but they immediately laid him on my chest. After about 15-30 seconds I believe, they had to take him to check him over, clean him and calculate his first Apgar score (which was 9). Things were a little more serious with a vacuum birth and they had to make sure that Noah was alright. Then I heard Dr. Huberty say, while still at the foot of my bed, that she had an "extensive repair" to do. Not really something a girl wants to hear about the land down under... She was working on me for at least 20 minutes after the delivery. It turns out that I not only had the episiotomy but I also tore when Noah came out. They classified it as a third degree laceration (the scale only goes to fourth degree, and you can imagine what kind of damage that does). This made for a very slow and painful recovery. I later found out that Noah was in the posterior position, meaning he was face up and the back of his skull was in the back of my pelvis. This was another reason why the birth was so difficult and damaging. Face down is the best way to deliver a baby. In any case, I was so relieved that he finally came, and my heart just about exploded with love for him the moment I saw him.
I remember more of the time when they brought Noah back to me again. I had written in my birth plan that I wanted to do skin-to-skin right away, since I had read about its many benefits for both baby and mother. Since I was wearing my tank top and was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and machines, Dr. Cady and Luke had to cut off my belly band (which was holding fetal monitors in place against my stomach) and the tank top. That was the only way to quickly get Noah close to me. I didn't mind at all - I just wanted him near me as fast as possible. Luke and I peered down at Noah, lying calmly on my chest. Luke was speechless for a long while. I saw tears in his eyes. After some time they took Noah from me once again so that they could rate him with a second Apgar score (which was also 9). At that point Luke looked at me and said, "It's nice to see you again." I knew exactly what he meant. For the past 32 hours I hadn't really been myself. He later described me as being "primitive" during labor. I take no offense to that because it's true. A woman really has no choice but to become somewhat primitive during a natural birth. I'm proud to say that I could do it.
At my postpartum check-up Dr. Cady said (and I quote), "You were effing awesome." During my hospital stay the nurses and doctors made many comments about how amazing my labor and birth were, and Dr. Cady verified how genuine they were. They don't say that to just any woman, she said. She said I was essentially tortured, which was being put through long periods of pain while sleep deprived. She went on to explain to me that the general rule was for a doctor to only try the vacuum a total of three times and then stop and do an immediate C-section. She said the only reason Dr. Huberty was able to try a fourth time (and remember that Noah came out on the fourth try) was because I had pushed so hard for the previous hour. His head was already out about an inch at that point. I was SO glad that I didn't end up with a C-section after all of that laboring!
After Noah's second Apgar they brought him back to me and I asked if I could try to breast feed him. He latched on right away - a good little eater! It was amazing to see a newborn baby with no life experience just innately know how to do that. After the first feeding the grandparents were told that they could finally come and meet their grandchild. My parents and Luke's parents flooded the room with smiles and tears, cameras flashing. It was a wonderful moment.
We had decided to name our baby boy Noah Matteson Stombaugh since before he was born. Matteson was a family name on Luke's side. It was Luke's mother's maiden name, as well as Luke's middle name and the middle name of his two brothers. Luke always said that he wanted to carry on the name by giving our sons that middle name as well. However, the day before Noah was born Luke mentioned that he liked James for a middle name. It was his favorite book in the Bible and he thought it might sound better than Noah Matteson. I wasn't exactly sold on the idea but said I would think about it. Our baby had been Noah Matteson in my mind for a long time, and it felt odd to change it. Then the day that Noah was born on March 5, Luke's Great Uncle James passed away. He was a wonderful Christian man. It felt so right to name our baby Noah James. The same day that Uncle Jim's life on this Earth ended, Noah's life began.Immediately after Noah's birth I had a sudden burst of energy, although I hadn't slept for over 32 hours. I actually didn't even go to sleep until after 10 PM that evening. But physically, I felt like I got hit by a truck. After my daughter's birth, I felt AMAZING. I was up, walking and showering immediately after she was born. My body felt good because things had happened as they should with no uterine exhaustion or vacuum. I wish that things had gone differently with Noah's birth. I thought I was so educated about everything regarding natural birth, but in reality I was not. There are so many things that could have happened and not happened to make Noah's birth go better. Medicalizing birth is just another way of demoralizing women and depriving them of the experience to feel empowered and strong. But Noah was fine and after awhile, I was fine too. I'm just glad I learned from the experience, can now pass on my knowledge to others, and that I did have the birth I wanted 19 months later with my daughter.
It was an overwhelming but incredible feeling to hold Noah and know that Luke and I were going to be his sole providers on this Earth, to raise him, nourish him, teach him and comfort him. He was a gift and absolutely the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, with long strawberry blonde hair. Everyone's first comments were, "Look at that hair!" He was my baby boy, who finally came to greet his mommy and melt her heart with his sweetness. Yes, I am a mother now, and it is undoubtedly one of God's most important purposes for my life. I am so grateful for His blessings.
